Placing Happy

I feel inclined to place ten pieces of happiness out for inspection and to be followed with a few hallelujah's.

1. Today was one of those sublime mornings where all my good intentions to complete school work wafted away with each singing breeze and instead I sat cross-legged on my floor, lost in a laughing contest and conversation with an old friend over the telephone.

2. Whilst holding a class discussion in History today I got to discover my new classmates views of history and I was the one to prompt it out from them. I got a few funny looks but one girl gave me a reassuring foot pat and a "good job" and that was all I needed frankly. And Daniel went before me and covered the entire chapter, that cleared up a lot of stress. Anthropology majors are good people.

3. John, Paul, George & Ringo. They feature more in the daily than one would expect. I'll always love that Gringo Ringo.

4. Acknowledging how beautiful pregnant women are.

5. I was informed that there are 59 days until Friday the 13th. I get to return to my Valley on that day, and though that's not a piece of paradise like Hawaii there is no denying the adoration one has for home. Nothing fits quite the same as the place where your feet trod with such surety. Home is where I am with you? Utah, you have become a home.

6. Savages. Woman. Finding those whom you can raise your voice considerably with are a real gift actually.

7. The mountains that lace upwards behind campus. I cannot stop expecting to see a giant rear back it's excellent head with craggy eyebrows and tiny eyes from those hills. They are a fairy tale. It's everytime I begin to look at them my mind rushes to Spiderwick, Narnia, Atlantis and Land before Time all at once, there is to much childlike imagination running through the trees up there. It's just as grand when you enter in as well, give or take a few mosquitoes of course!

8. That cubism exists, that grizzly bears do not live out in Hawaii, that you can reserve silence and deserve it as well, that scripture power never ceases giving and that that imagination plays such a key role in the past. Say goodnight to the dwarfs of dreams.

9. I came into my dorm this morning after rushing out into the morning to Intercultural Communications with Pajama's strewn about my room, my room was unruly. And when I returned it had all been set into place again, what a sweet mercy, I felt tears prick in my eyes because I needed a little push and help and I didn't even know it. Still smiling to myself.

10. Music, and the fact that The Head and the Heart now have a new album out. Shake. Be still my soul, I have listened to it over and over. And I found Ben Howard, take a gander and listen to Keep Your Head UP. I'll keep this kid close.

urge

I have a whole garden full of urges to be able to write something stirring. Oh man, words must be the most ridiculous medium that there is. They, simply put, will not listen. Not matter how you push or prod, demand and require, they will not just yield to you something akin to Donne or Hemingway. I'll forgive them on a later date and for now just thank the heavens for language. I'll walk their paths, the paths of words. See where they connect and intermingle with one another. After all I was searching for was me.

I.

I kept asking myself why I needed to stand so rigidly. Why were my ankles keeping each other company and why were my heels fit so firmly to the floor.

Unresisting I felt all of it enter. The universe rang about in the echoes of the shower space. Calling to corners and to the passerby's. Asking the whole entire time the same question, be change? I needed to change. The breath of angels need to change. And so do I.

Because who sees who you truly are? You could ask the members of late night bathroom trips, or friends that belong only in your well-lit kitchen. You could look to past love's, future love's, even those who you can only pretend you got to love. (They always seem to be the most heart-felt ones about it all) You could peer into the carpet bag of magic tricks of your grandfathers, or shake out the dust in your aunt's music books. Scamper about searching for linen skirt of your mom's because it knew her so well, so perhaps it could accommodate you similarly? Continue looking, ask all of your acquaintances and keep checking with your friends. Who sees who you truly are? Can you even see you? There are layers of old coats and marbles on a few, some are dressed up in rag-time tunes. There are a few who can truly see you, who you truly show you. Family is a funny place to start. Greeting with plum hands and heavy scarves. But the path torn with the hopeful awaits hope. Peace peeks behind curtains. Keep a sharp eye out for the words you most need to circle over and over until they remain stalwart and alone on the page. Keep a kind eye out for those souls who beat like yours. Keep a hand out for the breath of angels. Swim in the ocean with the salt and heat all in your head and beneath your feet keep corals colleagues dart and spin away.

 

I stood even straighter, an Alice potion effect took place, I think I grew. My spine pulled towards the ceiling and I could feel the dust settle on the slick floor. And then I stilled, everything stilled, and a lightness expanded in my head. The same when alone in the ocean for the first time. I breathed a fresh new breath and shook off my old bones and stepped into my cadmium towel.

Orangication

I know now there are some who are made to smile, they cannot stop! No matter how hard they try, the smile cannot be wiped off with an eraser, napkins, sticks, stones, little rocks, serious words, or even those sad stories you hear on the radio. They try, geniuinely, and sadness is never a stranger but for some unexplainable reason, a smile cannot help but perk up the corners of their mouth, even their eyes cannot resist twinkling doggishly out at the world. No, it just doesn't happen. Sweet smilers.

Extraordinary Post Conditions

 

Who needs to beard yourself when you have the sea? There's sand and a breeze, I cannot fathom that the "sea could possibly just be a wetter version of the sky" (Regina Spektor line), a rhythm deep in the cavernous caves created by crabs, children are adorned only in sand, the sun becomes your very best friend (until he scornfully burns you when he gets jealous). But until that moment and even then still, all of it is sublime.
Just fine.

Take heart and look about I know that there is not one way possible that Hawaii could have risen out of the depths to be this majestic beauty, the queen of the ocean.

If not for our loving Heavenly Father, he knew what this land can do to a heart, to the skin, to the soul, to anybody from anywhere.

 

Pineapple and folding chairs.

Cheeky kids letting you know all about it.

"This is the place"

Fawnd Farewells

Second post in one night stretch, usually unheard of from me but I have one more offering for my blog.

 

I start the collegic days tomorrow. More than I have up to this point.

 

I feel at war with myself as both fawn and school boy choose their paths within me.

 

What thoughts is the fawn having? She does not want to be left behind but has always been shy in the beginning of beginnings. Knees as fragile as tender shoots buckle under the idea. Large eyes bat at the mere mention of classrooms. Rib cage rockets with a heart destined for the whole nine yards.

 

What thoughts are on the rushing boy's mind? He seems as proud as brass to be out and going forth ready for all the new knowledge that will teach him how to conquer each constellation and every kilometer. Swaggering with strained jeans and bruised calves. As ready for anything as he ever will be. He checks two houses down to ensure his friends are following and making way to the same path. Cheeky monkey as he is, he's going to be more than fine!

 

But what if a few variables changed. The friends did not arrive, or friends had not been acquired yet. How would he be feeling? His swagger would trip with anxiety but smiling like he meant it he would continue and carry on. Because all the bravest do. Just as the fawn would too, as soon as her bus pulled in as well. Change is inevitable and not only that but good.

 

I get to trip off to bed now, and then to class next. Wish me a fond one, love! 

A Great Pear

The strange, lovely mystery of life is our ideas of what is ideal.

Sometimes holding onto our ideal is crippling and others it gives our souls flight. But the true beauty of the idealic (no not a real word but see what it can become for you) is that it is dressed in dreams and hopes like a beautiful garment meant for only you, a perfect fit, in fact! In the end real life is messy but our ideal is always somehow upheld and respected. What we think is what occurs! Marvelous, yea, yea it is. Thought provides such unbelievable power and weight for the present. You get to be exactly what you think. As Roaldy Dahl said, "If you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunshine and you will always look lovely." And it's more than just looking lovely but the sunshine within you from the thoughts which keep you warm at night. I am not always prone to the thoughts that I call dripping drops of unbearable sunshine. No sir. But I know exactly where to find them if I do need to go looking, and prayer is one place to run to, my odd day dreams, ridiculous memories, and admiring those around me. People are always incredible, surprising, spontaneous, merciful, lovely, and we all have a streak of something rough and untamed within us. We sometimes find ourselves to be superior but I will let you know that its not true. No one is better than you. I know I'm not. Surprise! Just kidding we all knew that. No, we are all lucky enough to be equal so why not offer that gift to those around us, equality. Let's not forget what a full job being human is, just being you is. Being that awesome is hard! Ask Obama if you want, he'll tell you all about it. Or Will Smith, Leo the Di, Miss Watson, Emma, etc. We are who we are.

I kept hearing this in prayers today, a plea to our Father in Heaven, supplicating for our hopes and dreams that we can live by those and gain them. I have never ever heard that uttered aloud in a prayer before but we all have them. Sometimes, we ignore them. Say, little guy I don't know what you are doing poking your nose around here but you are crazy and I cannot take you in with all my other sensible things I already possess. Or you are not real. Ha, it is. We each have a job on this earth and I think one of the ways Heavenly Father helps us realize it is planting in each of us a dream. They are shy creatures dreams, easily frightened and we need to follow them mercilessly. I have a dream said Martin Luther King Jr. and he was right, he did. And we do too! And Heavenly Father is more than willing to help us hobble after that dream, toddle after that flashing lightning bug to hold for ourselves, peeking in at and not even quite believing that it could be real.

Here is my dream

Seldom leaving my haven of home

a small house for the two and more

open doors and breezes that should be bottled up

peeling pears for pear pie (is it any good? in my dreams it is)

venturing from the homestead to the big, lovely planet

service, endless service

a peace corp existence simply

add in some marine life just for good measure, please

a few wild hearted ninnies to call my own

scruff and guitar

honest tea until we can drink no more

an immaculate word or two to share

books upon books upon books with books on those

ART, yep, ART

words as easy to share as a smile

love jam

and laughter as quick as a flash flood in Utah but not as rare

being apart of the church always

taking breaks to give life to living

pack ratting, its who I am

road trips

hawaiian spirits

give me those who know happiness just as well as they know their own, sweet voices

 

Not to much to ask is it?

I know it will all get taken care of. In it's own time.

"This is a prayer of contentment." C.S.